'Remember'

The title of today's sermon was "Remember".  The Pastor spoke about remembering things...and remembering Jesus.  Honestly, when the Pastor got started, I drifted back to my wake up call the other morning...and to Remember our birth family.  Not just our birth mom (Momma D) today, but the entire birth family - aunts, uncles, grand parents...everyone. 

I began to sit and pray in church.  I blocked out everything around me, Pastor included, and just sat there, and talked to God and prayed for the birth family.  I prayed for God to give peace. For God to shower them with His love.  I prayed for again, God's will be done.

I transported myself, and tried to put myself in the shoes of Momma D. I tried to visualize everything that she is doing as she prepares to go before the court.  I ask God to let me feel what she may be feeling...to let me see from her view...to allow me to walk beside her, hold her hand, and pray with her. 

If adoption continues to be her plan for Baby T, I asked God to please give Momma D peace. I prayed for her future, I prayed a whole bunch of other stuff I cannot share right now because it is personal to Baby T's story.  But I prayed and prayed and prayed.  I was staring at one spot on the pew in front of us; as I was praying, Will tapped me once and asked me if I was ok. I looked at him, and he saw my eyes and he said, 'you're praying aren't you?' I nodded and continued to pray until I ran out of words myself and I asked the Spirit to continue to pray for me.
I have also asked God to bring me peace.  Peace because I am nervous.  We are soooooooo ready for Baby T and love him so much...

When we travel for our embassy appointment, we do have the opportunity to travel to Baby T's village and meet his birth family.  We have been planning on doing that all along - but now, I want to go even more than I did before.  I want to meet Momma D, I want to hold onto her and pray with her and tell her what she means to me.  I want to be able to tell Baby T what an amazing, amazing woman she is and that I know her.  I pray we get to do this.

How about E's birth mom? She is always in my prayers too...and I have not forgotten her.  She too was in my prayers this morning, and I see her looking back at me some days in those big brown eyes and I stop and thank God for her and for her choosing a LIFE plan and for choosing us to parent.

It has been a very humbling few days...and I hope they don't stop.