Loss

The Lord isn't done with me.  And I want to clarify for myself what my last two posts say....I can lose my thoughts as I write - my brain goes much faster than my fingers and I sometimes forget to totally complete my thought.  When I go back and read this years from now, I want to know that I didn't miss the point. Because I don't ever, for one second, want to take lightly, or forget about birth families. Or to be so over the moon excited when there is someone who is suffering great loss. I want to honor birth families and their feelings...not push it off to the side. 

Adoption is a beautiful picture of the living Gospel.  But its start is one that isn't very happy.  It starts from a loss. a loss that I can't even imagine the feeling of.  I have asked God to please let me feel something that she might be feeling. To please let me see clearer the other side to adoption...from the birth mom's point of view.  I saw it with E, but you know, all of that happened so fast, and we were in a different place then we are this time, and I know a lot more about adoption this time than I did the first time....I want to understand better the deeper side to it.

Again, I cannot give details as to why Baby T came to be where he is.  I know when Momma D took him to the orphanage she made a very difficult decision, and one that his name reflects.  She is staring back into the face of that right now as she goes before the judge tomorrow with the intent to terminate parental rights.  After that, with God's help, have peace and also look towards an open door the Lord will put before her. My heart aches for her right now.  Being a momma...I can't imagine the feelings she is feeling.  I pray for God to hold her, to comfort her...to let her know she is loved.  I have a dull ache in my heart today...sadness...and I have cried for her.  I want to honor Momma D - we are connected and I love her though I have yet to meet her. And I look forward, eagerly, to the day I get to meet her.

I thank God every day that he knocked me back into place the other night.  As you can see, it has made a strong impact on me. I thank God for his grace and mercy. Today this song is the one that is on my heart and playing in my head as I finish this 'clarification'. I leave it all in the Lord's hands. His will be done.  Peace for all.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The world shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun refuse to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Shall be forever mine.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.