I woke early this morning with a heavy heart. I need Jesus right out of the gate this morning. I need him every morning, but this morning... more than ever. It's still dark outside as I crept out of bed, grabbing my Bible and iPod and came downstairs. I made coffee, started my prayer time with the Lord, and then knew I needed to write... so I turned my iPod on shuffle and the first song to come on I really felt the Lord talking to me... giving me words I needed to hear first thing this morning. He knows my heart right now, he knows the ache that is so present this morning and he wanted to speak to me. The words came through the speaker and wrapped around me, like a blanket...
Standing on this mountain top
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
Never once
Did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful
Evermore
We are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be
Breathing out Your praise
You are faithful
God You are faithful
Sometimes that ache feels like we are alone in this. But we aren't. God is faithful. He is always with us, always watching out for us, always giving to us. We are His children and He loves us so much! The pain and anguish we are feeling... these are not new feelings to God. He knows these feelings better than I do.
Like I said yesterday, I am doing the Beth Moore study of James at church. I had missed the first two weeks of class because I wasn't here - so last week when I went I had no idea what to expect... I hadn't cracked the workbook yet. I have read the book of James many times - most recently while I was with my parents just a few weeks ago. I love the book of James. I love how we are called out on the carpet, how we 'think' we are living a Christian life... but are we doing what God has called us to do? Well, I think I cried through the entire video portion of the study last week.
Beth talks about JOY and the opposite of Joy... ANGUISH. She says that anguish is often used to convey mental distress. And pain + anxiety = anguish. As she was going through this I was like, 'sister, you are speaking to me!' Then she goes on to say that both anguish and joy can co-exist. James says so, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
Anguish can turn into joy... this I am looking forward to! God promises that in the Gospel of John, Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:20-24
Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
2 hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
3 because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me
and assail me in their anger.
4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me. Psalm 55:1-5
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance Philippians 1:18-19
And with those scriptures, I was brought to my knees and a river of tears.
He understands what we are feeling. He knows... and He has spoken to me as his daughter, like I have spoken to my son, 'No, E... not now, we can't do that RIGHT now... we can do that after _________." To which is usually followed by tears from E and I hold him in my lap and explain to him why we can't do whatever the thing is, but that we CAN do it later. It's the same with me... God has told me through his Word that the pain I/we are feeling WILL be replaced with joy. It's coming... it is coming...
I think I am beginning to understand God's heartbeat a little bit better. This longing that I have for Baby T... how I just want him here... now. I want him to know us, to know that we love him, to look him in the eyes and tell him just how special and loved he is. I can imagine that is how the Lord feels with me... when I go away from his presence, He is longing for me to come back to Him so He can tell me how much He loves me, how special I am to Him... He just wants me to spend time with Him and depend on Him for everything... and right now, for peace that only He can give. Peace that passes all understanding...
Oh how I long for that peace... a lot of days are sprinkled with tears. As my friend Sheila said to me, "I once heard, or read, somewhere that tears were God’s way of helping us to physically let go of what we have bottled up inside. As we cry and give it up to him each burden rolls down our cheek and gets wiped away."
Rinse and repeat... God's mercies are new every morning. Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
The last song to play on my iPod this morning was perfect... {stop the music down below before listening to this one..} Blessings for the weekend.
Standing on this mountain top
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
Never once
Did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful
Evermore
We are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be
Breathing out Your praise
You are faithful
God You are faithful
Sometimes that ache feels like we are alone in this. But we aren't. God is faithful. He is always with us, always watching out for us, always giving to us. We are His children and He loves us so much! The pain and anguish we are feeling... these are not new feelings to God. He knows these feelings better than I do.
Like I said yesterday, I am doing the Beth Moore study of James at church. I had missed the first two weeks of class because I wasn't here - so last week when I went I had no idea what to expect... I hadn't cracked the workbook yet. I have read the book of James many times - most recently while I was with my parents just a few weeks ago. I love the book of James. I love how we are called out on the carpet, how we 'think' we are living a Christian life... but are we doing what God has called us to do? Well, I think I cried through the entire video portion of the study last week.
Beth talks about JOY and the opposite of Joy... ANGUISH. She says that anguish is often used to convey mental distress. And pain + anxiety = anguish. As she was going through this I was like, 'sister, you are speaking to me!' Then she goes on to say that both anguish and joy can co-exist. James says so, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
Anguish can turn into joy... this I am looking forward to! God promises that in the Gospel of John, Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:20-24
Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
2 hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
3 because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me
and assail me in their anger.
4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me. Psalm 55:1-5
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance Philippians 1:18-19
And with those scriptures, I was brought to my knees and a river of tears.
He understands what we are feeling. He knows... and He has spoken to me as his daughter, like I have spoken to my son, 'No, E... not now, we can't do that RIGHT now... we can do that after _________." To which is usually followed by tears from E and I hold him in my lap and explain to him why we can't do whatever the thing is, but that we CAN do it later. It's the same with me... God has told me through his Word that the pain I/we are feeling WILL be replaced with joy. It's coming... it is coming...
I think I am beginning to understand God's heartbeat a little bit better. This longing that I have for Baby T... how I just want him here... now. I want him to know us, to know that we love him, to look him in the eyes and tell him just how special and loved he is. I can imagine that is how the Lord feels with me... when I go away from his presence, He is longing for me to come back to Him so He can tell me how much He loves me, how special I am to Him... He just wants me to spend time with Him and depend on Him for everything... and right now, for peace that only He can give. Peace that passes all understanding...
Oh how I long for that peace... a lot of days are sprinkled with tears. As my friend Sheila said to me, "I once heard, or read, somewhere that tears were God’s way of helping us to physically let go of what we have bottled up inside. As we cry and give it up to him each burden rolls down our cheek and gets wiped away."
Rinse and repeat... God's mercies are new every morning. Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
The last song to play on my iPod this morning was perfect... {stop the music down below before listening to this one..} Blessings for the weekend.
1 comment:
Loved this post. Thanks for opening your heart up and being so real. Love you- still praying.
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