Today....I feel like I have been "pregnant" for a year. I also have procrastinated on the pieces we have to update for our home study...but...they are done. Except for the official meeting with our case worker where she actually writes the update. That will happen next Thursday. So, today, the little and I went to the Sheriff's office to get our criminal background checks done and we also went to get my finger prints done. On our way home, we stopped at the playground before coming home for lunch and a nap.
As I am thinking about all of this, and as I reflect back on the last two weeks, I want to talk about support. Families need support from family, friends, the Church... we need others to surround us and support us - families who are willing to 'get messy' with us. It really helps to have a strong support system right where you are.
We know how important that is when we have a lack of it. We don't have family that lives close by. And even though we don't, I don't know what I would do if we didn't have the great, loving support of my mom and dad. They have really come along side us, dug their heels in and gotten their hands dirty with us; doing as much as they possibly can from a distance. My mom and I talk several times a week (some weeks, almost daily!) and she is always caring and concerned with what is going on, how are we doing with the current challenges as well as how are we doing with the wait. She and dad continually pray for us and for our children. They are eager to meet the little one we are waiting for. They do their best to understand us - they share in every part of this life-long journey we are on. They support us with every single ounce of their being. I am grateful and thankful that God gave me such incredible parents. I love you, dad and mom.
I am thankful for the network of adoptive families we are building right here. My friend Kelly and I are working together to build "community" through Passion1.27. Sure our ministry is about helping people begin their adoption journey, explain the process to them, but the real journey begins once the children are home. We have very similar adoption stories with our sons - we adopted our sons only months apart, through the same agency, yet at the time, didn't know each other. God brought us together 2 years later as adoption advocates... but more than that, he brought us together as friends. We pray for each other, have cried together, poured out our hearts to each other, traveled to conferences together...she is another strong support person in our circle of friends. I am thankful for her!
We have built adoptive family support groups, a mom's coffee group, a dad's group and we are working on a mom's retreat. I felt the ping in my heart to put one together after going to Created for Care in January. While I was there, I kept feeling this nudge to do something similar for the moms here in our community. So we are working on putting it together for local moms - a chance for us to be together, relax, reflect, refresh...CONNECT...and I have a wonderful professor who will come and speak about attachment. Attachment is essential - for both child and parents. It's a foundation that needs to be built to build a happy, healthy family and it takes time. It doesn't happen immediately. I won't "spider web" any more... Attachment is another blog post all in itself!
So all of this being said, I want to share with you a few links and some reading material that we have found helpful along our journey. We shared these links with our family to give them a glimpse into understanding our children, our family. I personally think that its important for anyone in your life and your child's life to grab hold of this information so they better understand you and your children.
First, my favorite book, The Connected Child. You have seen that name more than once in my blog! I also like the DVD series that are offered at TCU Institute of Child Development. There are some previews of the videos you can watch...take a moment and watch at least the Empowering, Connecting and Correcting Principles one. That gives a WEALTH of information and insight into adopted children as a whole. We have a couple of the DVDs if you want to borrow them! :)
I LOVE Adoption Learning Partners. Yes, you have to pay for the educational classes...it is worth it! We have taken the following classes/webinars: The Tough Starts Series; Medical Issues in International Adoption; Beyond Culture Camp: A Guide for Parents; Food for Thought; Connecting Your Family, Inside and Out; Are You Sleeping? We are getting ready to do "Finding the Missing Pieces - Helping Adopted Children Deal with Grief and Loss. The nice thing about these classes - once you pay for them - you have access to them any time you want. So when you want a refresher, you just log back into your account and watch what you want again. To us, this is priceless and don't see it as an expense, but rather an investment into our children's healing. (If I'm not mistaken, ALP is also a Christian organization).
Some more books:
The Out of Sync Child
The Out of Sync Child Has Fun
Thriving as an Adoptive Family
I will have to leave it here for now - my little is awake from his nap. Support abounds when you surround yourself with family and friends who are willing to walk the journey with you. Even though family may not be right around the corner, our advice is to find friends who are willing to stand in as family because that kind of support as well as respite care is essential.
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