Wow. Has it really been 5 months since I posted? So much has happened in the last five months yet nothing has happened. Where to start.... Right where we left off looks like a good place. But all the detail will have to wait until we are through with this process. So for now, I will share the latest. And then later you will just have to check back to get the full story.
But a brief recap. Just because. Because we are in the season of advent... a season of waiting. Waiting for the most wonderful, treasured gift - the gift of Jesus. And we understand (or at least hope to) what it means to wait.
The entire year we have waited for 'the letter' to come from the South*rn Reg*on.... Day in... Day out. We waited for news that we finally had the coveted letter we have been waiting for since last November. Every day wondering 'will today be The Day?' And we went to bed every night thanking God for his provision, prayed prayers of protection over our boys, and prayed that tomorrow would be the day.
Our case basically had to start over from the very beginning... Like before a referral is even made that far back to the beginning. The difference is Baby T had already been matched with us...but that didn't matter. His paperwork had to be redone. Sounds simple to you and me, right? Like it should only take a month or two. This redo is a new process...a process that wasn't established. The governm*nt had to create it from nothing. They had to invent the wheel. And so the wheel was created. Like anything new, it needed tweaking, adjustments, go back to the drawing board, consistency. And it took time. A year.
In the meantime, we have watched Baby T grow up, we saw him cut his teeth, we saw him go from not being able to roll over to sitting up by himself; we've watching him crawl to take his first steps; we've seen him grow in his development and be able to do more things. We've done all this through pictures, videos and reading a monthly report. This wasn't exactly what we had in mind and truthfully it broke our hearts to miss all these milestones.
We have been living in a shattered dream. Our shattered dream. It is easy to fall into despair and question God and his goodness during the weak times. Trust me, we have done it. But God, our Jesus, is a Good God. All the time. Even when we question his love for us. His ways are higher. His dream for us, and our dream for us aren't always the same. But He is faithful. He is good. He is Sovereign. He is God.
Will, the awesome, amazing, God-fearing husband, father, man... would say each day - God has given us 'mini' blessings or 'many' blessings, let us thank Him for them now. Some days we would have to search for what we felt was a blessing... but we assure you, each day, God provided and blessed us. Our simple blessings we take for granted, while looking for a grander blessing. The blessing of family. Of a job. Of food. Of clean water. Of clothes. Of transportation. We are blessed beyond what we remember to be thankful for.
We finally received the coveted LETTER on October 30, 2012. What a joyous day that was. Shortly after, Baby T's case was resubmitted to Fed*ral Co*rt and awaited a new court date. We could not wait and could suddenly see an end in sight. As we waited and waited for that co*rt date, we made plans. We dreamed of what it would be like and how it should play out on going to get Baby T. Our plan was for me to travel ahead of Will - take custody, and wait for emba*sy clearance, then Will would join me. This was OUR PLAN. Soon after we were submitted to co*rt, we learned the Fed*ral judge requested our So*th MO*A letter to be amended. An amendment that no one really understood the meaning of or reasoning. Regardless, we faced another setback. We were told this setback would not delay us, that it wasn't really a setback. And once again, the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel felt like it was being snuffed out.
The South*rn Regi*nal official was advised of this amendment, but she refused to make the change without a court order. So a few days later, a co*rt order was faxed to her. She received it. She then said she needed a letter with this information from the local governm*nt where Baby T is from. More days go by. The local governm*nt wrote the letter... the letter was supposed to have been submitted on a Thursday, but for reasons unknown to us, the letter wasn't submitted. A side note here that the South*rn regi*nal office only does adoption related things on Tuesday and Thursday. Religiously. So many times throughout this process we have heard, 'it will be seen next Tuesday. Or, it will be reviewed on Thursday.' So we were devastated when we heard that the letter could be submitted on Friday, but that we shouldn't expect anything until Tuesday.
That was my low point. I broke down. Face down. I couldn't do THIS anymore. I cried an ocean of tears - and grasped the hem of Jesus robe and I said, why??? Why all of these setbacks? Why all of these delays? Why all of this darkness for a child who just wants to be loved and wants a family? Why make him wait? God, you created him, in your image, he is your son, why are you making him wait?
God and I spent the day together. Just Him and me. He spoke to me. As I shared the following with a wonderful friend whom I have never met in person, but she's an adoptive mom, and her kids pray for our family every night, I share with you now. This is what I said to her at the end of the day when she told me she was praying for Baby T and us -
Heather, please squeeze your littles for me and tell them thank you and that God hears their prayers. I WISH I understood why this is taking so long. I have literally cried all day today from the moment I read the update that was in our portal this morning. I have had probably my lowest day today. I spent the day talking to my Jesus. And He spoke to me.... through His word I have read today and scripture laid on me, songs I heard, through people I talked to, and I felt prayers - prayers lifting us up. I know He has not forgotten us. I know His love for us is beyond anything that we can wrap our heads and hearts around. I know that He has a plan. I have heard him say over and over - TRUST ME. And that is all I can do. It hurts like you-know-what... My flesh demands an answer, and cries out 'this isn't fair!' But I have to trust in the one who has led us here. We have two children - both adopted - the first - probably the easiest process in the world. The second - the absolute worse case scenario possible. But God is in both of them. He has this. He is always with us even when we can't see him. I am in the darkest season I have ever been in. But my Jesus is here with me... holding my hands... holding me up. Without Him, I would be a heap on the floor. My strength comes only from Him. So after one of the worst days over the last year - I can say this. I hurt a lot. I wish I could see the whys and know the whens. But this is what I am choosing to do... I am choosing to trust my Jesus with everything that I have. And pray, on my face, for some miracles. xoxoxo
We prayed for a miracle that night. Like every night.
Friday morning we were greeted with a message in our portal - a message that brought the miracle we had prayed for. The head of the South*rn Regi*n wrote the amended letter on Friday. Thank you Jesus for showing us you were in that. You are the one who made that happen. Only you. On Monday the amended letter was submitted to the feder*l co*rt. Now we await a court date.
So here we are. It's Friday. We waited all week in wonder and with anxiousness for a court date. Would we be able to bring Baby T home for Christmas? That has been our wish. We know this as of today... we have a date of December 12 that the opinion of the fed*ral MO*A on Baby T's case is due to the court. We are praying for another miracle. We are praying that December 12 is Baby T's day... that it's the day he becomes a Banker. There are things that can happen, more delays, but we are praying for God's hand to shine and be upon this - that his mercies would reign down on T, and that he would be released from orphan chains and become a son.
As we look to traveling, we know this. Our plan, our dreams, our wish, (parts of it anyway), were not all that God intended for us. It wasn't all that He called us to do along this part of the journey. He had more... And some of it has involved pain. And one day, just maybe, we will see the why. In the meantime, Will and I will travel together rather than separate. We know that God is holding Baby T in the palm of His hand. He will hold him, speak into his heart and let him know we are coming. We trust God with everything. We are still going to travel a little early, and in doing so, we are looking at some added expenses we hadn't planned on. We will be traveling during peak airline rates - something we had not planned on. We will have an extended stay, Baby T, who is now Toddler T, will now have to have his own seat on the plane... But we know that He is Jehovah Jireh, God of provision. He has provided for us every step of the way and provided for Baby T.
Many people have asked us what they can we do to help. Pray. Pray for Baby T and our family. We know that prayer can move mountains. The other way, knowing it's Christmas and there isn't much left that's unbudgeted for people this time of year, but if you feel led by the Spirit, and want to contribute to our travel fund, that is another way to help us with the financial part we are looking at. If you want to sponsor a day, we have calculated that 1 day will cost us approximately $65. If this is something that you feel led to do, we are creating a calendar, and when we know what our dates of travel are, we will fill it in with names and post it and you will know what day you are sponsoring. (There is a tab at the top of the blog that says "Latte, Lunch or Larger Donation" for secure donations through PayPal, or you can message us for address information).
Thank you for praying. Thank you for walking this road along side us, for standing in the gap, and for lifting Baby T and us up in prayer.
We love you. Jesus loves you.
Merry Christmas,
Team Banker xoxoxo
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-12
But a brief recap. Just because. Because we are in the season of advent... a season of waiting. Waiting for the most wonderful, treasured gift - the gift of Jesus. And we understand (or at least hope to) what it means to wait.
The entire year we have waited for 'the letter' to come from the South*rn Reg*on.... Day in... Day out. We waited for news that we finally had the coveted letter we have been waiting for since last November. Every day wondering 'will today be The Day?' And we went to bed every night thanking God for his provision, prayed prayers of protection over our boys, and prayed that tomorrow would be the day.
Our case basically had to start over from the very beginning... Like before a referral is even made that far back to the beginning. The difference is Baby T had already been matched with us...but that didn't matter. His paperwork had to be redone. Sounds simple to you and me, right? Like it should only take a month or two. This redo is a new process...a process that wasn't established. The governm*nt had to create it from nothing. They had to invent the wheel. And so the wheel was created. Like anything new, it needed tweaking, adjustments, go back to the drawing board, consistency. And it took time. A year.
In the meantime, we have watched Baby T grow up, we saw him cut his teeth, we saw him go from not being able to roll over to sitting up by himself; we've watching him crawl to take his first steps; we've seen him grow in his development and be able to do more things. We've done all this through pictures, videos and reading a monthly report. This wasn't exactly what we had in mind and truthfully it broke our hearts to miss all these milestones.
We have been living in a shattered dream. Our shattered dream. It is easy to fall into despair and question God and his goodness during the weak times. Trust me, we have done it. But God, our Jesus, is a Good God. All the time. Even when we question his love for us. His ways are higher. His dream for us, and our dream for us aren't always the same. But He is faithful. He is good. He is Sovereign. He is God.
Will, the awesome, amazing, God-fearing husband, father, man... would say each day - God has given us 'mini' blessings or 'many' blessings, let us thank Him for them now. Some days we would have to search for what we felt was a blessing... but we assure you, each day, God provided and blessed us. Our simple blessings we take for granted, while looking for a grander blessing. The blessing of family. Of a job. Of food. Of clean water. Of clothes. Of transportation. We are blessed beyond what we remember to be thankful for.
We finally received the coveted LETTER on October 30, 2012. What a joyous day that was. Shortly after, Baby T's case was resubmitted to Fed*ral Co*rt and awaited a new court date. We could not wait and could suddenly see an end in sight. As we waited and waited for that co*rt date, we made plans. We dreamed of what it would be like and how it should play out on going to get Baby T. Our plan was for me to travel ahead of Will - take custody, and wait for emba*sy clearance, then Will would join me. This was OUR PLAN. Soon after we were submitted to co*rt, we learned the Fed*ral judge requested our So*th MO*A letter to be amended. An amendment that no one really understood the meaning of or reasoning. Regardless, we faced another setback. We were told this setback would not delay us, that it wasn't really a setback. And once again, the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel felt like it was being snuffed out.
The South*rn Regi*nal official was advised of this amendment, but she refused to make the change without a court order. So a few days later, a co*rt order was faxed to her. She received it. She then said she needed a letter with this information from the local governm*nt where Baby T is from. More days go by. The local governm*nt wrote the letter... the letter was supposed to have been submitted on a Thursday, but for reasons unknown to us, the letter wasn't submitted. A side note here that the South*rn regi*nal office only does adoption related things on Tuesday and Thursday. Religiously. So many times throughout this process we have heard, 'it will be seen next Tuesday. Or, it will be reviewed on Thursday.' So we were devastated when we heard that the letter could be submitted on Friday, but that we shouldn't expect anything until Tuesday.
That was my low point. I broke down. Face down. I couldn't do THIS anymore. I cried an ocean of tears - and grasped the hem of Jesus robe and I said, why??? Why all of these setbacks? Why all of these delays? Why all of this darkness for a child who just wants to be loved and wants a family? Why make him wait? God, you created him, in your image, he is your son, why are you making him wait?
God and I spent the day together. Just Him and me. He spoke to me. As I shared the following with a wonderful friend whom I have never met in person, but she's an adoptive mom, and her kids pray for our family every night, I share with you now. This is what I said to her at the end of the day when she told me she was praying for Baby T and us -
Heather, please squeeze your littles for me and tell them thank you and that God hears their prayers. I WISH I understood why this is taking so long. I have literally cried all day today from the moment I read the update that was in our portal this morning. I have had probably my lowest day today. I spent the day talking to my Jesus. And He spoke to me.... through His word I have read today and scripture laid on me, songs I heard, through people I talked to, and I felt prayers - prayers lifting us up. I know He has not forgotten us. I know His love for us is beyond anything that we can wrap our heads and hearts around. I know that He has a plan. I have heard him say over and over - TRUST ME. And that is all I can do. It hurts like you-know-what... My flesh demands an answer, and cries out 'this isn't fair!' But I have to trust in the one who has led us here. We have two children - both adopted - the first - probably the easiest process in the world. The second - the absolute worse case scenario possible. But God is in both of them. He has this. He is always with us even when we can't see him. I am in the darkest season I have ever been in. But my Jesus is here with me... holding my hands... holding me up. Without Him, I would be a heap on the floor. My strength comes only from Him. So after one of the worst days over the last year - I can say this. I hurt a lot. I wish I could see the whys and know the whens. But this is what I am choosing to do... I am choosing to trust my Jesus with everything that I have. And pray, on my face, for some miracles. xoxoxo
We prayed for a miracle that night. Like every night.
Friday morning we were greeted with a message in our portal - a message that brought the miracle we had prayed for. The head of the South*rn Regi*n wrote the amended letter on Friday. Thank you Jesus for showing us you were in that. You are the one who made that happen. Only you. On Monday the amended letter was submitted to the feder*l co*rt. Now we await a court date.
So here we are. It's Friday. We waited all week in wonder and with anxiousness for a court date. Would we be able to bring Baby T home for Christmas? That has been our wish. We know this as of today... we have a date of December 12 that the opinion of the fed*ral MO*A on Baby T's case is due to the court. We are praying for another miracle. We are praying that December 12 is Baby T's day... that it's the day he becomes a Banker. There are things that can happen, more delays, but we are praying for God's hand to shine and be upon this - that his mercies would reign down on T, and that he would be released from orphan chains and become a son.
As we look to traveling, we know this. Our plan, our dreams, our wish, (parts of it anyway), were not all that God intended for us. It wasn't all that He called us to do along this part of the journey. He had more... And some of it has involved pain. And one day, just maybe, we will see the why. In the meantime, Will and I will travel together rather than separate. We know that God is holding Baby T in the palm of His hand. He will hold him, speak into his heart and let him know we are coming. We trust God with everything. We are still going to travel a little early, and in doing so, we are looking at some added expenses we hadn't planned on. We will be traveling during peak airline rates - something we had not planned on. We will have an extended stay, Baby T, who is now Toddler T, will now have to have his own seat on the plane... But we know that He is Jehovah Jireh, God of provision. He has provided for us every step of the way and provided for Baby T.
Many people have asked us what they can we do to help. Pray. Pray for Baby T and our family. We know that prayer can move mountains. The other way, knowing it's Christmas and there isn't much left that's unbudgeted for people this time of year, but if you feel led by the Spirit, and want to contribute to our travel fund, that is another way to help us with the financial part we are looking at. If you want to sponsor a day, we have calculated that 1 day will cost us approximately $65. If this is something that you feel led to do, we are creating a calendar, and when we know what our dates of travel are, we will fill it in with names and post it and you will know what day you are sponsoring. (There is a tab at the top of the blog that says "Latte, Lunch or Larger Donation" for secure donations through PayPal, or you can message us for address information).
Thank you for praying. Thank you for walking this road along side us, for standing in the gap, and for lifting Baby T and us up in prayer.
We love you. Jesus loves you.
Merry Christmas,
Team Banker xoxoxo
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-12
1 comment:
I have been praying for you and your family Kristin. I know this has been an agonizing wait for you, but I also know that you are strong in the Lord and He will see you through this to the end.
He is using you and Will and your amazing testimony of faith to show the world what "waiting on Him and His promises" is all about. Are you aware of your tremendously strong faith and how that looks to others who may not know you at all?
In His perfect time, He will bring your precious baby home to you forever and you can proclaim "it is well with my soul."
Stay strong dear friend.
Love you,
Nicki
Post a Comment