A year ago today - our lives changed. A year ago today - was the third happiest day of my life. A year ago today we got our referral for Baby T. I will never forget that moment all three of laid eyes on that precious boy and knew he was our son and brother. We knew, without a doubt, he was ours.
A year ago today, I would have never thought we would be where we are a year later. I fully expected to be home, well settled into our routine as a family of four. A year ago today, I never would have dreamed I would experience the kind of heartache that I have experienced. A year ago today I didn't know the amount of strength it would take to get through 'the process.'
A year later, we are leaning even deeper into the Lord. God has had us this entire time. He hasn't forgotten us, or said, 'just a minute, I'll be back' and then forgot to come back to us. It isn't punishment, though there are times and days when it feels like it. There are many days that we have said, 'Hey, I didn't sign up for this, God. You called me to this, but this??" He never promised us it would be easy. When he said, follow me, he didn't say, take up your easy chair and follow me, rather, take up your cross and follow me. And so we have. I poo pooed those who said, "International adoption is not for the faint at heart." It's not. It requires so much... it requires far more than I ever imagined. But above all, it requires full, complete, surrender to the Lord. We are broken people, living in a broken world, and some days full surrender is easy... and others, not so much. We have cried a lot during this extended delay - we have felt an entire range of emotions; happy, sad, mad, exhaustion, joy...
Many times over the last seven months we have asked him why. Why us? Why now? WHY? We got a glimpse of the why... and one day, I will explain that. But we know God chose us, for this. For Baby T to be our son. For this hardship. For this time. It's all a part of His plan for our lives. We may never fully understand - but this we know. This adoption is not about us. And it is about more than a family, adopting a child. He told us He was using us to accomplish more than we could ever wrap our head around. I took that lightly when He told us that. I thought this entire process would be, dare I say, predictable and smooth. I can't say He didn't tell me it would be hard and one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. One of the biggest challenges is explaining to a 4 year old when his brother will be home.
E-man talks daily, non-stop, about his brother. He loves his brother so much his heart hurts. The conversations that come out of the blue amaze me. Getting ready for bed, and doing nightly tuck in and prayers, E says, 'When T comes home, I'm going to sleep next to him. So he isn't scared. I am going to take care of him.' He loves a boy he has never met. Thank you, Jesus. He.is.ready. On many levels, E-man is ready. He can hardly wait to be a big brother - showing T how to do things, he says he is going to show him how to play soccer, baseball, golf, build with Legos, swing on the swings... E is going to be one amazing big brother; he is a nurturer, a giver, and all he wants is his brother home. Just the other night he said, 'when I wake up, T will be here.' Oh my heart.
What does our future look like and 'when' will T come home? We still don't have a timeline - but we have some progress. We are hoping the progress continues... and with that progress, comes some decisions. Decisions we have to make as a family. Sacrifices we make because we are a family.
We have been praying and seeking direction from the Lord as to me traveling ahead of Will back to Ethiopia and take custody of T as soon as we pass court. Travel that could keep me there 4 - 8 weeks hopefully not any longer, but we don't know. It's hard... we are torn... could I be away from E-man and Will that long? How can I be away from T any longer than we have already been away from him? It has been a back and forth... how can I leave for an extended period of time with a child who needs his mommy and the flip side is how can I be away any more from a child who needs his mommy who hasn't had a mommy? Our family is divided. We are on two continents. Building a family. And building a family requires sacrifice. It is not an easy decision, or one we take lightly by any means... and some may not understand our reasoning, and that is ok. We just do things a little bit differently... but we would ask if you'd join us in prayer - for our family, for provision, for peace... The Lord has and continues to sustain us, giving us His strength to press forward - going through this storm.
As we reflect back on where we were a year ago, and as we enter a new week, the clouds are starting to part, and we are on the cusp of coming out of this storm. Slowly, surely, we are seeing progress and getting closer to bringing Baby T home. This coming week holds a lot... we could see the movement we have been waiting for.
We are thankful for this journey. As hard as it has been, we are thankful. We celebrate every little victory, looking daily for the many blessings, or the mini blessings - thanking God for each and every one, and lay our petitions at His feet.
A year ago today, I would have never thought we would be where we are a year later. I fully expected to be home, well settled into our routine as a family of four. A year ago today, I never would have dreamed I would experience the kind of heartache that I have experienced. A year ago today I didn't know the amount of strength it would take to get through 'the process.'
A year later, we are leaning even deeper into the Lord. God has had us this entire time. He hasn't forgotten us, or said, 'just a minute, I'll be back' and then forgot to come back to us. It isn't punishment, though there are times and days when it feels like it. There are many days that we have said, 'Hey, I didn't sign up for this, God. You called me to this, but this??" He never promised us it would be easy. When he said, follow me, he didn't say, take up your easy chair and follow me, rather, take up your cross and follow me. And so we have. I poo pooed those who said, "International adoption is not for the faint at heart." It's not. It requires so much... it requires far more than I ever imagined. But above all, it requires full, complete, surrender to the Lord. We are broken people, living in a broken world, and some days full surrender is easy... and others, not so much. We have cried a lot during this extended delay - we have felt an entire range of emotions; happy, sad, mad, exhaustion, joy...
Many times over the last seven months we have asked him why. Why us? Why now? WHY? We got a glimpse of the why... and one day, I will explain that. But we know God chose us, for this. For Baby T to be our son. For this hardship. For this time. It's all a part of His plan for our lives. We may never fully understand - but this we know. This adoption is not about us. And it is about more than a family, adopting a child. He told us He was using us to accomplish more than we could ever wrap our head around. I took that lightly when He told us that. I thought this entire process would be, dare I say, predictable and smooth. I can't say He didn't tell me it would be hard and one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. One of the biggest challenges is explaining to a 4 year old when his brother will be home.
E-man talks daily, non-stop, about his brother. He loves his brother so much his heart hurts. The conversations that come out of the blue amaze me. Getting ready for bed, and doing nightly tuck in and prayers, E says, 'When T comes home, I'm going to sleep next to him. So he isn't scared. I am going to take care of him.' He loves a boy he has never met. Thank you, Jesus. He.is.ready. On many levels, E-man is ready. He can hardly wait to be a big brother - showing T how to do things, he says he is going to show him how to play soccer, baseball, golf, build with Legos, swing on the swings... E is going to be one amazing big brother; he is a nurturer, a giver, and all he wants is his brother home. Just the other night he said, 'when I wake up, T will be here.' Oh my heart.
What does our future look like and 'when' will T come home? We still don't have a timeline - but we have some progress. We are hoping the progress continues... and with that progress, comes some decisions. Decisions we have to make as a family. Sacrifices we make because we are a family.
We have been praying and seeking direction from the Lord as to me traveling ahead of Will back to Ethiopia and take custody of T as soon as we pass court. Travel that could keep me there 4 - 8 weeks hopefully not any longer, but we don't know. It's hard... we are torn... could I be away from E-man and Will that long? How can I be away from T any longer than we have already been away from him? It has been a back and forth... how can I leave for an extended period of time with a child who needs his mommy and the flip side is how can I be away any more from a child who needs his mommy who hasn't had a mommy? Our family is divided. We are on two continents. Building a family. And building a family requires sacrifice. It is not an easy decision, or one we take lightly by any means... and some may not understand our reasoning, and that is ok. We just do things a little bit differently... but we would ask if you'd join us in prayer - for our family, for provision, for peace... The Lord has and continues to sustain us, giving us His strength to press forward - going through this storm.
As we reflect back on where we were a year ago, and as we enter a new week, the clouds are starting to part, and we are on the cusp of coming out of this storm. Slowly, surely, we are seeing progress and getting closer to bringing Baby T home. This coming week holds a lot... we could see the movement we have been waiting for.
We are thankful for this journey. As hard as it has been, we are thankful. We celebrate every little victory, looking daily for the many blessings, or the mini blessings - thanking God for each and every one, and lay our petitions at His feet.
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