Merry Christmas

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

                                            -by Third Day, Merry Christmas (Offerings CD)

My heart aches and my arms ache in a very big way to have T home... and with no news of when that might be... is tearing me apart inside.  The last few weeks have been difficult...painful...a pain that I have not ever felt before - this is all new to me.  It's new to us. There is a beautiful side to this pain though... it tells me that I love my new son with my whole heart.  I love him as my own. We don't share DNA, but he was born in my heart and I love him as my own flesh and blood.

This is our third Christmas without the child that God set us on this journey to adopt.  The last two were a little sad... but this year - we know who this journey has been to. He has a name. He has a face. We have looked at his pictures for 6 months. We flew half way around the world to him. We have met each other. We have held him. Kissed him. Smelled him. Smiled at him and he's smiled back at us. I fed him. He fell asleep in my arms, snuggled against me, holding on tight to each other. We have been to court to claim him our own... and we are still waiting for that declaration to be final...forever. He is real. And he's half a world away.

Will just read over my shoulder and said, 'can you write in there - I feel the same way?' This family hurts... and we know it's only temporary and hopefully it will soon fade to a distant memory, but right now - it's very, very real. E has even asked if T will be home for 'Frismiss' - and it's been hard to explain to him no he won't... E asks why. We do our best to explain it. He says, 'I'm sad, mommy he's not here.' So there it is.

We are making the best of this time.  E is thrilled to death the Will is off of work and home with us. We are having fun with a borrowed train set from another family... we have laughed... E is full of lots of love - constantly telling us how much he loves us and he's giving lots of hugs and kisses the last few days.  One of my passions is cooking. So I am cooking with inspiration from some extraordinary people like, Thomas Keller. Gordon Ramsay. Frank Stitt. John Besh. I got a special treat yesterday while shopping at the grocery store.  Emeril Lagasse.  I ran into him last year at this time at the store. That made me smile. And now... I need to get a brisket in the oven so it's ready for our Christmas Eve celebration.

We are eager to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We haven't forgotten what this is all about. We celebrate the One who came to rescue us... who has adopted us... who is sovereign... who loves us more than we can imagine... who is full of mercy and grace...who came as a baby to take away our sin... and who will deliver our son to us. Soon.  We pray it is soon.

A Blessed Christmas to you all from all of us.