Sitting in the Waiting Room

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It has been an emotional few days here.  My heart longs for our son to come home.  Multiple times a day, E-man goes into the kitchen, stands on his table {which is a huge no no!} and he says "come here mom".  I come over to him as he stands with his finger on the photo of his baby brother.  I ask, 'who is that?' to which he promptly tells me his name.  He says, 'we need to go get him. He needs to come home now." Oh my heart. 

That is the cry of my heart.  The journey of International Adoption. This is not what I expected. The strength that I find that I am needing is something that I never imagined.  I feel numb in a way.  I can't feel right now.  I want to, but I can't.  My son, my baby, is a photo. He is on the other side of the world. I can't see him, touch him, hold him, I don't know what he's doing or not doing...he seems like just a dream right now.  And there is a lot of territory that has to be covered before that dream becomes a reality.  It seems so far off...so to deal with it, it's easier to push the feelings down, until they bubble back up to the surface and spill out.

I know this week I am trying to deal with this myself. I know that I have to give it over to the Lord and just have faith and trust. And patience. All the time. My prayer and conversation with the Lord is the same, day in, day out. He hears me...I know he does.

I was encouraged last night during a low point I was feeling.This is really encouraging from another adoptive family who is also sitting in the 'waiting room'.  Her church did a sermon series on The Waiting Room. I have to listen to the sermon to get the fullness of it, but she recaps what we are to do while we are in the waiting room.  It was exactly what I needed to read. To be reminded of. That this is not about me and feeling sorry for myself.  The picture is much greater and God has more. You can read her full post here.

God is preparing you in three ways while you're in the Waiting Room:

1. Gratitude. God is giving you the time and space to reflect and be grateful for everything He's already done for you. It's hard to find the time for this day to day, so the waiting room is your opportunity to stop. And reflect. And say Thank You.

2. Persistent Prayer. God knows what you want, but He still wants you to ask for it. The bible is full of reminders that we should ask. In fact, the bible reminds us to be persistent in our asking. God loves to be nagged! He loves persistent prayer because it's our conversation with Him and He loves to spend time with us.

3. Surrender. God wants to make sure that you are willing to surrender the outcome. That you love Him more than you love the thing that you are asking for. Like asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, he wants to make sure that you still put Him first.

That was perfect timing.  I can put things into perspective, and put what is most important first...the Lord, and not loose sight of that.  He is caring for our son right now. He is holding him in his hands. He is whispering into his heart how much he is loved by himself, and from us, his new family.  And I know that the Lord knows the pain in my heart.  He gave up his son to bare the sin of the world. For us. For me. My pain is nothing in comparison to the pain the Lord feels on a daily basis for his children.

We continue to wait. We continue to pray. We enjoy the beautiful gifts we have right here and  now.  E-man is growing up right before our eyes. We are cherishing these days and moments and preparing for our lives to change the best we can with the Lord's help and guidance.