Going Backwards to Go Forwards

I have just a few minutes to myself this morning and I want to get this down in my "journal".  I am picking up from where I left off yesterday - going backwards to go forwards.  Sometimes with our kids, we have to rethink what we did because maybe it wasn't the best thing.  But one of the things that we have learned is that you can go back and recreate that which was missed.
E-man still puts things in his mouth.  Not all the time, but when he starts to get out of sync, he puts things in his mouth.  He bites his nails.  He seeks sensory input through his mouth.  The mouth is the first place and THE place that gives us our sensory balance.  The mouth is where it all starts.  So when a child starts to get out of sync, most likely they will put something in their mouth.  At night, we hear teeth grinding...and it sounds like he's chewing glass.

We have tried a lot of different tactics to help get the mouth stimulation to help stay organized.  We give crunchy, healthy snacks like carrots; he chews gum....a lot of gum.  He likes spicy foods - he likes sour foods (lemons and limes) all these things help give sensory satisfaction and self regulation.  But what about at night?

We were so "proud" of our selves that E was off the pacifier before his second birthday.  We helped him say bye bye to it.  We encouraged him not to have it.  We were parenting in a way that was not therapeutic.  We didn't know that we had to parent differently.  We did not know.

The pacifier, helps self sooth.  The sucking is what a child needs to regulate himself.  So here we are, not knowing, taking away and "breaking" him of one of the things that he needs.  Yes, we kick ourselves.  I have been so upset at myself for doing that.  Sure we listened to others about when to break a child of his pacifier.  It isn't "socially acceptable" for a child to walk around with a pacifier.  We listened to this "advice"...again, at the time we didn't know we had to parent differently.

We now know, and we don't listen to what "others" say...to what is "socially acceptable". We listen to what does our child NEED.  So we re-introduced the pacifier when he sleeps.  At first, he said, "I'm a big boy...this is for babies."  We still gave it to him and said if you want to suck on this when you sleep you can. It's ok.   A child still needs to be able to self sooth at night - to help a child stay asleep. We have had a lot of sleepless nights, and sleep is so extremely important to a healing child. He was off and on with using it.  He'd giggle and act almost embarrassed to have the pacifier.

It's been a week...yesterday, when I put him down for his nap, I gave him his pacifier and he giggled and was hesitant.  I reassured him, I said, "baby boy, it's OK.  Big boys can still have a pacifier...it's not just for babies.  It comforts you. Go ahead...it is OK."  He relaxed, and sucked away.  He slept his entire nap with the pacifier.  If he has his pacifier until he's 5 or 6, so be it. As long as he needs it, he can have it. I think too often we conform to what "society" says, and we don't allow our children to do things at their own pace.  We have to take a step back and say, what is BEST for my child and go with that...ignoring what others say or think. It's easy to get mad at ourselves, but we have to forgive ourselves, learn, rethink and find a way to recreate what we missed no matter what age our kiddos are.

Do I care what someone thinks that my 3 year old has gone back to sleeping with a pacifier? No. If he wants it during the day when he's playing can he have it? Absolutely. We have to look at healing as a whole, not as parts.

Sometimes, you have to go backwards to go forwards.