The Journey

It has been a little while since I last posted - but wanted to write something quickly...we are still alive and breathing and finally getting well! This cold/flu bug has lasted us about a month now - last year we weren't sick at all and this year, well, I guess we are making up for it.

I have been busy getting ready for the adoption & orphan care information seminar this Saturday. I have spent a lot of time just praying and listening...asking God what is the message he wants delivered. He's given it to me...and the great set of speakers we have!  I have been praying for them as they prepare, and for the participants as they are getting ready to come and hear and learn.  There have been two things on my "to do" list for the info seminars...these things have been on my list since God first put the fire in my belly to join him on this ministry over a year ago. Well, both of those things are just about done...and just in time for the seminar on Saturday! I will have to see what he has planned next - because as of right now, all the boxes have been checked off!

Ethan is doing well - he is an AMAZING child and right now, though we are waiting for our referral, we are enjoying every moment we have with him. Things are going to change...a lot...and we won't have these "just the two of us" days for much longer so we are enjoying every moment and not focusing on the wait. The process of adoption is just that. The real journey begins when our children are here with us.

Speaking of the journey...I will be the first to say, we were not prepared when our journey began the first time. As you know, we adopted Ethan from birth. We thought like most people think, we are adopting a baby...he's going to be in our care from the moment he takes his first breath - he won't suffer neglect, he will be fed and clothed, he will attach to us and us to him, and it will be like we birthed him ourselves. That is naive. We wish we would have known then, what we know now. You see, every adopted child is a child from the hard places. Not just children who have been in an orphanage or in foster care. EVERY adopted child needs healing. There are 9 months that we were not with Ethan. 9 months of his precious life when things did and didn't happen to him in utero. Trauma that he went through, neglect, abuse, abandonment... all these things can happen...in utero...and during critical brain development. Whatever the birth mom experienced, he experienced. Was there fighting in the home? Shouting? Did she eat properly? Did she eat at all? Did she talk to him? Did she pretend she wasn't pregnant? Did she wish she wasn't pregnant? Did she say things to him that were hurtful? Did she love him?  All these things play a part in who the child is and how he reacts when he enters the world.

I am thankful for God's wisdom and guidance - he carried us through and we saw where he was leading us to help Ethan. I am thankful for learning and reading from Dr. Karyn Purvis, she wrote the book The Connected Child. The first time I read it, I pretty much glossed over it because I didn't think it applied to adopting a newborn. Then I went to a conference and heard her speak...and then I read the book again. And then I went to another conference pre-conference and did an entire day of her lecture and teaching. I didn't know why I was in that pre-conference. I registered for it because the Lord said go. I thought I was there to learn to help other families through our ministry. I was wrong... I was there to not only learn to help other families, but to learn ourselves! That's when the lights came on. And I read her book AGAIN. And AGAIN. And now it sits on my night stand - within easy reach.

When Ethan would cry, he'd arch is back AWAY from us...he would not make eye contact at times...he would push away...when he fell or did something that should hurt to make him cry, he didn't. I remember standing with my jaw on the floor when I thought he'd be crying and he wasn't. Not a single tear. I remember times we'd hold him and he'd just stare for long seconds on end - he looked like he'd checked out. So many times he was emotionless. These were all a result of a hurt child who needed healing. Even a newborn baby...

We are happy to report Ethan is healing very well. He has come a really long way in his short 2 years. He is fully attached, his trust is strong, he is a happy little guy! There are a few back slides now and again, but we are equipped to help him. We still struggle with some sensory processing issues, but we know how to handle things better than we did. We have a sensory rich toy room for him complete with a swing and rope lighting (all in a 9x9 room!) We always have food around and available - he eats every 2 hours and this makes a HUGE difference with behavior! He is getting much better about shoving his mouth full of food (we think he does this because he was hungry in utero so now when he gets food, he shoves it in as fast as he can afraid he might not know when he eats again). We thought we had the most ACTIVE child on the face of the planet. Always on the go, never sitting for more than literally 2 seconds...he can be the equivalent of 2 - 3 children rolled into 1 little bundle of love. Some of that hyperactivity is coping - and some is just being 2 and a boy.  We will tell you - we are constantly asking ourselves, is that behavior something adoption related that we need to treat, or is that just being 2 and a boy? We know we cannot parent like every other parent does or how our parents did. We have to adjust our parenting to help healing. We seek God for his wisdom and understanding...and for his strength!

I was reading in Jeremiah, and this verse just sticks in my head... its Jeremiah 30:17... But I will restore you to health, and heal your wounds...I love the promises that God gave Jacob and Israel - those promises are alive today and God does good things, and gives good gifts to those who love him. And most of all, he gives healing. We just have to continue to point our children to the cross and to the Lord and the Lord will restore them.