We hope you all had a wonderful weekend - we were waiting with great anticipation to get the call from our case worker on Friday. I hardly slept the night before - praying while I was awake for this precious child. Praying for God's will to be done - and hoping it included us being a family to this child. We fell in love with this baby - preparing our hearts to welcome this child into our family...
We were going to a wedding out of town so Friday began in a scurry to get the last minute things into to car and get on the road. We had a 4 hour journey to the in-laws where we would leave our precious Ethan to spend the weekend with Nana and Papa and Will and I would continue on south to St Petersburg and have a nice weekend, just the two of us - celebrating a good friend's marriage and hopefully we'd be celebrating some good news of our own.
Will started our trip out with prayer - we prayed for safety, for the bride and groom, for Ethan and Nana and Papa and for whatever the Lord held and had in store for our family and we prayed for the baby. We waited for the phone to ring. It did several times, but it wasn't our case worker. We jumped each time it rang...looked a the number, and said no...this isn't the call.
After hours of driving, after dropping the little guy off, after prayers said aloud as well as silently and after a restless trip trapped in a car (I wish I knitted or something to keep busy in times like this), the phone finally rang late in the afternoon. It was our case worker. I held my breath...I answered, hello.
I listened...my heart beating so fast, and I wasn't breathing...then the words came...another family was chosen. We said our thank yous and then good bye and we sat in silence. Then the tears came. And a steady stream...and a prayer of thanksgiving to our Lord that this child has a forever family. We prayed for the family that was chosen, and we prayed for our child(ren) yet to come to us.
Did we move on and forget after getting the news and shedding some tears? No. It isn't that easy. Not for us any way. Did we attach ourselves to this child we have never met? Yes in a way - this was possibly our child...as a mother, I was preparing my heart and I was very much in love with this child...how can we not attach a little bit? There was an empty feeling in my stomach...and my heart aches...and it still does.
We could have easily said no to this waiting child and wait for our referral child. But we are choosing to say yes to whatever God puts in front of us and letting him tell us no, this isn't your child - as hard as that is. And it is a very hard thing to do...it's uncharted waters - and it's heartbreaking when God says no this isn't your child - but you were obedient in following through - he took us so close on this one! We know that God is using each and every moment to prepare us for the gift he has waiting to give to us. And we know that the child or children he is bringing to our family are just the right fit. He has designed our family according to his will.
Is adoption hard? You bet. Is it worth it? Absolutely. 1000 times over and over, it is worth it. Those precious children are God's children...we love them, every single one of them - whether or not we are blessed to be family or not.
Thank you for your love, prayers and support. There's one less orphan in this world - thanks to a wonderful family who said Yes to what God placed in front of them. So for us, right now, the baking and crafting and reading/education continues...we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus and celebrate Christmas with family. We continue to pray for our child(ren) and we worship while we wait.
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