Basking in the Presence of God

We are expecting...we are pregnant! All on paper of course - but it feels so good to be able to say those words again! Being pregnant on paper has similarities to being pregnant with a baby in your belly. Just because you grow a baby in your heart instead of under it, doesn't take away the fact that you go many of the same things as being physically pregnant. God just prepares you in different ways for your child(ren).

Last Saturday afternoon I was sitting at the table working on a big sewing project and Will was resting, watching some golf on TV while Ethan was napping. After not too long, I hear the little feet hit the floor, and soon I see that great big smile coming down the stairs. Both Will and I talked to E and we got him what he needed. Then E went to watch TV with Will and we still had the baby monitor on - this isn't unusual, many times I forget to shut it off right away and it stays on for a few hours. I was back to my project, the boys watching TV when I had this peculiar feeling come over me. I looked up from my work, and I looked straight at the monitor and I listened. For a brief moment, I was listening and waiting for the baby to wake from his/her nap. My heart for that moment was so full - it felt complete - there wasn't the ache that I have had and still feel - waiting for our family to be completed.

God is preparing me. I shared what happened with Will (I think he thinks I am crazy) and he was like that's cool - in his oh so guy way! I spent the next bit of time just praying and thanking God for giving me that moment - and that I didn't miss it. Life goes so fast, it's easy to get caught up in EVERYTHING, that we miss the little moments God creates as gentle reminders that He is into the details of our lives.

There's another thing that I have been lately. Emotional. When you adopt, God also is gracious to let you become more emotional - cry at times for no reason, laugh serious belly laughs at some not so right times, and feel things that you may not otherwise feel. From what I have heard, during a physical pregnancy you go through emotional things as your body changes, etc...(I can't speak as an expert on this having never been physically pregnant).

A physical pregnancy you experience all of the changes and all of the feelings and movements as ways of bonding with your baby. You are in tune with your baby - you feel every thing the baby does. You fall in love with your baby and anticipate the known arrival date. When you adopt, you are growing a baby in your heart - though you don't feel a kick or a hiccup, I believe that God gives you these other experiences and emotions so you can fall in love with your child(ren) as you wait for them to become a part of your forever family. The fun thing with adoption is, you never know for sure when you will get THE CALL that changes everything. You could have months, weeks, days, or hours to prepare - you never know and that is the exciting part and you are also completely waiting on God and being in his presence as he continues to prepare you for when the journey REALLY begins.

Again, Our Plan A is adoption - God gives and takes away and he took away my ability to have children so that I can be a mother to those children who do not have a mother.  He DESIGNED me this way. I embrace it and I feel extremely humbled that God is entrusting me to be a mother to his special children and to raise them for him and in him while here on earth.

God also has mercy - He may have taken away my physical ability to have children and feel the pain of physical labor, but he has replaced the physical pregnancy with a heart pregnancy - and through it, I get to experience the same joy and pain of being pregnant.

Whatever journey you are on, bask in the presence of God and rely on him alone. He is with you, wherever you go. He's there to hold your hand; reach out and take hold.